Scott Pruitt, the embattled head of the Environmental Protection Agency, announced today a $484 million grant to the Arkansas Advanced Motor Works to build a coal-powered SUV by the end of 2019. Pruitt declared, “this revolutionary engine will change how Americans drive.” When asked how the coal powers the car, he replied that the company has developed a new coal-breaking mechanism that would receive coal pellets from a drop-down chute, crush them into a fine powder, mix it with alcohol made in a separate mechanism in the car and inject it in the new coal-fired engine. He told the audience that what he loved most about this new car was the beautiful, multi-coloured smoke that came out of the three rear tailpipes. He also indicated that his department was in discussions with Amazon to develop the first overnight shipping program for coal, barley and rye pellets. “I know they’re still in the development stage but I’m confident that they will wisely spend this first slice of a multi-billion spending plan that my friends and colleagues worked on last weekend.