How is it yours? You paid for a product, but never received it. As a consumer, you had no choice in the method of shipment.
As far as who has more control over the situation, you've got things backwards. You as the buyer are able to completely control the delivery location. The seller has no choice but to send it where you've told them to send it.
Once you've discovered that you have porch pirates operating in your neighborhood, it's time to consider getting a PO box to use for receiving shipments. If you use that as your delivery address, then you've forced a "delivery method" onto the seller - they'll have to ship it USPS. For UPS deliveries, you can use their Access Point network to have your packages delivered to a nearby location where you can pick it up - that might be a good solution for some people. Unfortunately, I don't believe Fedex offers anything similar - at least, I haven't been able to find anything.